Monday 16th January 2012

Exercise – Running (undisclosed distance) / Cycling (undisclosed distance)

Up early, and with a gritted determination I did my usual 50 situps and decided it was time fora full frontal cardio vascular on my midriff.  Having rock solid abs is one thing, but if they are hiding behind a layer of blubber what good are they to anyone. Also, my body hurt form the weights and as i have previously mentioned rest days are of vital importance.

So I decided to go for a run, followed by a cycle (both in the Gym). I should mention at this point that i got quite into running previously, but had to stop due to the gyroscopic effect on my hips from running fair to moderate distances at over 6 foot 6, with all the grace and technique of one legged hippo. At my peek I was probably running about 7 miles a pop, about 3 times a week.

I did not run seven miles.

In fact, I have decided not to disclose the distances I ran / cycled, or at least not fully. What I will do is describe the distance I ran as if describing the frequency and prowess of my sexual allure at age 14, if auditioning for a part on “Top Boys”.

“Mate, I ran bare distance, you get me? Didn’t get no sweat on or nuffin, put in time on the road man, you know? I didn’t even know how long I ran bruv, geezer had to ask me to leave in the end coz they was closing, you know? I was like that Usain Bolt, except crossed with that bitch that shit herself. The bike was rare as well, i be spinning them peddles faster Wakish’s babies drop, you get me? Bare speed again bruv. Seen”.

Translation

“Friend, I ran for a considerable distance, do you understand? I did not perspire whilst doing so, and i ran for a very long time, did you know? I was unaware of the time I was running, and the gymnasium attendant informed me that the establishment was about to close. My physical proues could be alluded to running at the speed of the worlds fastest man, with the tenacity of the paula Radcliffe (?). My cycling ability was also an extraordinary fete of accomplishment, similar to the frequency of the local gad about’s ability to fall pregnant. As like the running, my speed was again remarkable. Seen [sic].”

Romeo done.