Wednesday 25th January, 2012

I didn't go to the gym today.

I made an igloo instead....

What the fuck did you do?

Monday 16th January 2012

Exercise – Running (undisclosed distance) / Cycling (undisclosed distance)

Up early, and with a gritted determination I did my usual 50 situps and decided it was time fora full frontal cardio vascular on my midriff.  Having rock solid abs is one thing, but if they are hiding behind a layer of blubber what good are they to anyone. Also, my body hurt form the weights and as i have previously mentioned rest days are of vital importance.

So I decided to go for a run, followed by a cycle (both in the Gym). I should mention at this point that i got quite into running previously, but had to stop due to the gyroscopic effect on my hips from running fair to moderate distances at over 6 foot 6, with all the grace and technique of one legged hippo. At my peek I was probably running about 7 miles a pop, about 3 times a week.

I did not run seven miles.

In fact, I have decided not to disclose the distances I ran / cycled, or at least not fully. What I will do is describe the distance I ran as if describing the frequency and prowess of my sexual allure at age 14, if auditioning for a part on “Top Boys”.

“Mate, I ran bare distance, you get me? Didn’t get no sweat on or nuffin, put in time on the road man, you know? I didn’t even know how long I ran bruv, geezer had to ask me to leave in the end coz they was closing, you know? I was like that Usain Bolt, except crossed with that bitch that shit herself. The bike was rare as well, i be spinning them peddles faster Wakish’s babies drop, you get me? Bare speed again bruv. Seen”.

Translation

“Friend, I ran for a considerable distance, do you understand? I did not perspire whilst doing so, and i ran for a very long time, did you know? I was unaware of the time I was running, and the gymnasium attendant informed me that the establishment was about to close. My physical proues could be alluded to running at the speed of the worlds fastest man, with the tenacity of the paula Radcliffe (?). My cycling ability was also an extraordinary fete of accomplishment, similar to the frequency of the local gad about’s ability to fall pregnant. As like the running, my speed was again remarkable. Seen [sic].”

Romeo done.

Sunday 15th January

Exercise – Weights

Usually routine adopted – three groups of two unrelated exercises repeated up to 5 times with rests of 1minute to 90 seconds between each set, or “supersets”.

Superset 1

Exercise A1 – Seated Leg Extensions (110kg)

Sets 5
Reps 5
Rest 90 seconds

Exercise A2 – Chin-ups (60kg – 40kg)

Sets 5
Reps 5
Rest 90 seconds

Superset 2

Exercise B1 – Dumbbell Chest Press (36kg – 32kg)

Sets 4
Reps 6-8
Rest 60 seconds

Exercise B2 – Concentration Curls (14kg)

Sets 4
Reps 12-14
Rest 60 seconds

Superset 3

Exercise C1 – Decline Sit-up (thought that, in the spirit of trying to get a six pack, some abdominal exercises probably wouldn’t go a mis...)

Sets 4
Reps 15-18
Rest 60 seconds

Exercise C2 – Decline Dumbbell flys (10kg – 8kg)

Sets 4
Reps 10-12
Rest 60 seconds

After my extended Sunday session, and in the advent of two weeks un-deterred commitment (discounting the curry, and approximately 7 bottles of wine) i thought that I’d treat myself to a “weigh in”, undoubtedly having shed my Christmas indulgence several times over by this point.

However, it's probably important at this stage to point out that i didn’t actually weigh myself at the beginning of this experiment, simply taking my usual weight of 94kg, and added a few extra in light of my duty bound mother’s tireless and indeed unstoppable requirement that I be fed and watered (wined) to the point of complete saturation thought the entire duration of my Christmas break.

It was then with little or no trepidation I strode proudly onto the scales already practising my congratulatory inner soliloquy and half smile that would intestinally and succinctly convey my success to fellow gym goings.

I weigh 100kg.  I went home, ate a consolation stick of celery (clearly the wooden spoon of snack foods) and cried myself to sleep. This is going to be a little harder than I imagined.

Day 6 - Saturday 14th January 2012

Fail.

Oh dear. I woke up this morning with that slightly otherworldly, blinkered view of a world shrouded in a distinctly alien haze. I stumbled out of my pit, with one toe at time gingerly felt my way  to my (soon to be sorely missed) en suite where the unmistakable smear Mutter Panner on my cheek gave the game away. I was hungover.

If you want to know what guilt tastes like, it is both aromatic and repulsive,. both sweet and sickly, and, sadly I realised as I shovelled the remains into the microwave at about 11am, very moreish. Bitter tears of regret helped to dilute the Jalfrazy somewhat, but as my disappointment faded to remorse, the edge of bitterness dulled somewhat through complete culinary gratification I began to wonder - just how bad is a curry for you?

Nutrition - Chicken Jalfrezy with Mutter Panner, Pilau Rice and Nann bread

Chicken Jalfrezy
http://www.huddsonline.co.uk/eat_takeawayguide.htm
Kcal - 415
Fat   - 27g

Mutter Panneer
http://www.rediff.com/getahead/2007/aug/24calorie.htm
Kcal - 313
Fat   - 22g

Nann Bread
http://www.huddsonline.co.uk/eat_takeawayguide.htm
Kcal - 538
Fat   - 20g

Pilau Rice
http://caloriecount.about.com/pilau-rice-recipe-r42421
Kcal - 247
Fat   - 2g

Poppadom
http://www.sparkpeople.com/calories-in.asp?food=poppadom
Kcal - 129
Fat - 9g

TOTAL
Kcal - 1642
Fat - 80

So there you have it. On reflection, that's not all that bad, considering my daily intake should be around 2500 (although that's pretty much all of my daily fat allowance). And we wont mention the two bottles of wine consumed the previous night.....

Anyway, for those of you that are interested, this is what guilt looks like:

No gym today, obvs.

Day 5 - Friday 12th January 2012

Exercise - Gym: Supersets

Legs were still pretty painful from the Monday session, and the number of Jumping Jacks and what not from the boxing class, so today i tried to focus on upper body exercises.

Superset A

Exercise A1 – Seated Row (55k)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iz4F6jCyLc8

Sets 5

Reps 8-10
Rest 90 seconds

Exercise A2 – Close Grip Bench Press (seated) (45k)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-iaRAN7CZI 

Sets 5
Reps 6-8
Rest 90 seconds

Superset B

Exercise B1 – Arnold Press (32k - 16k each arm)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0Rtakl0frk

{Personally, I love/hate this exercise. It is bloody excruciating, and you should probably use a slightly lower weight than you would for a normal shoulder press. But the burn feels good.....)

Sets 4

Reps 6-8
Rest 60 seconds

Exercise B2 – Concentration Bicep Curls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jvj2wV0vOYU - I'm not sure why this guy has to show you without a top on, maybe its because he wasn't breast fed.

Sets 4
Reps 8
Rest 60 seconds

Superset C

Exercise C1 – Dumbbell Decline Fly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMALXhhHRKM (black guy with a deep south accent....isn't that a little bit like a Jew wearing a swastika?) 

Personally i love this exercise - when the dumbbells are next to each other above your chest, really try and focus on the lower pectorals, and try to squeeze the weights together - this will eventually cut in under the pectoral muscle and help create that lower line of definition on the chest. Or so I hear.

Sets 4
Reps 8-10
Rest 60 seconds

Exercise C2 – Decline Sit-ups

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhGU5cmNZds&feature=related

Except don't put your hands behind your head as this douche recommends, as you can strain your neck pretty badly. Hands by temples, or on chest, period.

Also I try to alternate in groups of three, doing one normal, right elbow to left knee, then left elbow to right knee. This works the core abdominal muscles, but also the right and left intercostals and the sides of your core as well.

Sets 4
Reps 15-18
Rest 90 seconds

And that's a wrap.

Day 4 - Thursday 11th January 2011

Today I had the day off, so fuck you.

Ok ok, seriously, rest days are important. This is what Mens' Helth mag has to say about resting your body:

Why is it important?

If you don’t get enough rest, you won't see any results – no matter what your goal. Fat loss and increases in strength, muscle mass or muscular endurance all occur outside the gym, while your body recovers and adapts. Lack of rest may lead to overtraining – signs of which include a feeling of general fatigue, aching, depression, and decreased performance. Incorporating rest days also helps maintain a better balance between home, work and the gym.

How much recovery do I need?

Recovery for bulking up 5-7 days

It takes up to 7 days for muscles to fully recover and add size. Training a muscle group prior to this is likely to do more harm than good. You have fully recovered 48 hours after any soreness has gone. So, for example, if you train your biceps on Monday, they’ll ache Tuesday and Wednesday (compensation), and you should rest Thursday and Friday to allow growth (super compensation). You can train other muscle groups while one group recovers, but should always leave at least five days between training the same muscle or muscle group.

King tip Should you experience the negative effects of overtraining, take a week or two off. Your body will repair itself and bounce back strong. Make sure you change your program before resuming.

Recovery for building strength and power 2-3 days between the same exercise movements

Strength and power gains are dependent on the efficiency of the neural pathways which control the relevant movement pattern. The law of specificity requires the repetition of the desired movement pattern in order for it to develop. For example, if you want to be able to bench press more weight, you must practice the exercise over and over again to reinforce the neural pathways responsible for maximal muscle contractions. Two to three days is sufficient rest and will allow your nervous system to fully recover.

King tip When recovering, partial variations of exercise movements can be performed. For example, perform a snatch from thigh level rather than the floor.

Recovery for muscular endurance One day or 'active recovery'

Endurance exercise depletes phosphocreatine and glycogen stores in the muscles. It takes 24-48 hours for these to fully restore. If after 24 hours you feel muscular soreness, have a rest day or do some active recovery (low to medium intensity cardiovascular exercise at 50-70% maximum effort). Ensure that through a seven day cycle you have a minimum of 48 hours off from any form of training.

Recovery for reducing body fat Two days between resistance sessions; one day or active recovery after HIIT

Ensure you take 48 hours off between resistance training sessions. This time can be filled alternatively with high intensity interval training (HIIT) or low intensity longer duration cardiovascular exercise in order to maximise fat burning. HIIT should be followed by a rest day or active recovery. Do no training at all for a minimum of 48 hours a week.

So there you have it, conclusive evidence that sometimes its OK to sack it off. :D

Nutrition

Lunch - one of the burgers from Thursdays tea, served on fresh lettuice (no bread).

Dinner - Grilled chicken, stuffed with goats cheese and roast vegetables. Not sure I'm allowed to eat cheese, but it was pretty damn tasty....

Day 3 - Wednesday 11th January 2011

Boxercise - 1 Hour

Hmm. How can I describe "Boxercise" in one word. Well, the truth is I can't. But neither can anyone! Because, you see, "Boxercise" isn't even a real word! Its actually a combination of two words, "Boxing" the highbrow world of fisticuffs and "Exercise" (kudos to the more savvy reader who may have already figured this out). A bit like "anticipointment" (high expectations followed by a let-down, a portmanteau of anticipation and disappointment), or for the Daily Mail readers among you, "JedWard" (incidentally if there are any daily Mail readers among you, please fuck off).

Anyway, literary genius aside, Boxercise was great. Good all round CV, showing no major bias to any one muscle group, with the added bonus of punching the crap out of some pads in the middle of your working day. Definite stress buster, and highly recommended for girls and boys alike.

Nutrition

Dinner - Thai Burgers with Mango salsa and Sweet Potato Wedges

Props to the gf for this little number, i was beginning to think i was about to turn into a mackerel salad. Goes to show that good food need not be bad food.

• Ingredients

2 Sweet Potatoes, cut into wedges

Olive Oil

400g lean mince (pork or beef, your preference)

1 Red Onion (half grated, half diced)

Coriander, diced

1 Red Chili, diced

1/2 Lime, juiced

Side salad to serve

•          Method

Heat the oven to 200C/fan 180C/gas 6. Soft boil the wedges for about 15 minutes to take off some oven time. Toss the potato wedges with 1/2 tbsp olive oil. Put on a baking tray and sprinkle with salt (I added some chili flakes for a bit of a kick). Bake for 20-25 minutes until tender.

Meanwhile, mix together the mince, curry paste, grated onion and half the coriander. Season and form into 4 burgers. Brush the burgers with a little oil then grill or griddle for 5-6 minutes each side until they are cooked through.

For the mango salsa, mix the mango, chili and the rest of the coriander with the lime juice. To serve, put a burger on top of some little gem leaves and spoon over some salsa. Serve with the sweet potato wedges.

• Nutrition per serving

242 kcalories, protein 23.6g, carbohydrate 27.9g, fat 4.8 g, saturated fat 1.6g, fibre 4g, salt 0.45 g